[cryout-pullquote align=”center” textalign=”left” width=”90%”]
Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he’s from the future(April Fools!)
Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had traveled back in time
to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.[/cryout-pullquote]
Yes, it is!!
That’s the answer to the question a vast majority are asking, “…really, that’s the greatest story you’ve ever read? Nerd.”
In my scientifically, anti-religiously wanting to believe in something so badly, mind… I want this to be true, so badly.
I want Eloi Cole to have traveled through time to stop some major catastrophe that could ONLY have been avoided if
he had stopped this latest round of tests at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland this past week.
“Wait a minute! What, Shit, I didn’t read the entire title… (April Fools!)… Goddammit!”
Yep, it was a joke, I was deflated as if someone unplugged one of those dancing half-hard dummies outside the latest tent-sale. You know what i’m talking about…
But, what if…
“But what if, what?”
What if it just could be…
“What if it could be, what?”
What if it’s real?
“You’re full of shit!”
Ok, just imagine…
It was published on April Fools Day, someone wrote a fantastical story that could never be possible knowing what we know about science and what not. Ok, let’s take the holiday effect out of the equation.
What if this exact same story ran on any other day of the year. What wold your initial reaction have been?
Would you have immediately thought “What a fucking nut job? What kind of crazy would do such a thing? He’s lost his mind, for sure.” or are you like me?
My immediate reaction was “YES!!!” “Someone fucking did it!”
I read a paragraph down and for some reason I glanced back up and read the April Fools! in the title. But after about 10 seconds of that little guy deflating up there, I thought, “How fucking brilliant!”
I’m an armchair conspiracy theorist. I don’t go all-in as so far as to go on an actual “Bigfoot Chase”, but I think it’s fun to think about.
I believe that our government is capable of hiding things from us, big things from us. BIG things. From us.
So, my mind went straight to the wildest possibility. Well, my minds wildest possibility.
What if this event actually happened.
No, not the crazy losing his mind and thinking thinking/pretending he’s from the future.
What if he did it? What if he figured it out, or what if he just stumbled across a 1 in a 100 billion?
What if he is from the future and he tried to stop a major catastrophic event and failed to stop it?
So, let’s recap…
All religiousity* aside, why release the story at all? Obviously something got out, something the government couldn’t completely cover up.
That type of little detail is for the 2nd draft… So, they have to release a story, you know, to control the situation.
The first bit of genius, release the story on April Fools day. The story’s out there, automatically a huge portion of the population will believe just that, it’s a rather clever April Fools Day joke. Done.
But there are those, like me, who will want and are willing to look past that bit. So we actually give the story some merit, a guy gets into CERN and …
[For this portion of the story, we’re going to assume all of the moronic bits such as Mr Cole stopping supplies of Mt Dew are story rewrites by govt. editors to make the article seem that much more moronic. April Fools, remember?]
When in fact, it doesn’t matter what the future he’s trying to stop holds. What matters, is what effect his time travel, alone; would hold on the immediate future of our world. If time travel were proven, and the method in which it could
be done were given to the masses, what do you think would happen, globally? Then think more locally, in the U.S alone, how would we react? What about your city, or town? Your own home? What would you do? When, would you go?
*If someone else has coined that term, my apologies for not including a credit.
If not, I call dibs.